Unconsciously Believing a Lie

So I’m sitting in the IU library. A few minutes ago I was full of rage and disappointment. And now I’m utterly thankful. What brought about this change? Well let me start out by telling you why I was angry.

I went to the Library today in order to watch a film for a class that meets in a few hours. It is on reserve, so I had to check it out and watch it in the library. I checked it out, but then I tried watching it on two different DVD players and the sound wasn’t working. So, I went to the clerks and they told me I needed to watch it on a ‘Region Free’ DVD player, of which there is only one in the library. And, of course, that one was being used. I asked the guy using it how long he was going to be and he said about two hours. I looked for another copy of the film in their browsing collection, but no such copy existed. I was then forced to give up watching the film. Then I thought I would work on a paper, but I needed to access it online. I got my laptop out, and my VPN connection just refused to work, so I couldn’t use the internet. I tried updating some applications on my computer and all that accomplished was me making loud computer noises on a silent floor in the library. Thus, I started to do some reading for a class today, and realized that my teacher had not specified what we were to have read for today…and there are 11 articles that would be possibly due. Then I got my prayer journal out and found that it had been smashed in my backpack so it was all wrinkled and ugly. Nothing was working. I tried to do all these things with good intentions and the expectation that I would be able to accomplish these tasks. And, when nothing works I get angry. I’m stuck on campus and unable to study well and get things done. But my anger was easily spawned because I unconsciously believed a lie.

The lie: Humans have the right to expect that their minutes/days/lives will ‘work.’

Humans are incapable of making ‘things’ work without God’s grace. Other days when my computer use, transportation, and studying endeavors have gone well are COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY A GIFT FROM GOD. I’ve compiled a few scriptures that prove this:

1 Chronicles 29:11-14
Praise be to you, O Lord,
God of our father Israel,
From everlasting to everlasting.
Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power
And the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
For everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom;
You are exalted as head over all.
Wealth and honor come from you;
You are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength to and power
To exalt and give strength to all.
Now, our God, we give you thanks,
And praise your glorious name.
But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given your only what comes from your hand.

Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God – not by works so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Galatians 3:22
But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.

It is disturbing that our anger over life not going as planned, is evidence of unconscious belief in a lie. A lie that, I think, stems from pride. The minute we forget that God is greater than us in every imaginable way, we begin to think that we actually have rights of our own, rights that are inherently ours rather than a gift. C.S. Lewis explains this human predicament well:

"In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that -- and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison -- you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you" (C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity 125).

"The point is, He wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble -- delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life" (C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity 127).

Thus, I was not angry because my computer didn’t work, or because I couldn’t watch the film for class. I WAS ANGRY BECAUSE I LACKED HUMILITY BEFORE THE LORD. And the best part is, only God can give me the humility I need. My ability, happiness, and existence are completely in his hands. I need his help to remember that precious and relieving gift.