Lame Reviews
This holiday season I’ve had the privilege of seeing nine movies, five of which were in the theater (thanks to my awesome parents, who paid for four of those five. At $9.50 apiece I definitely wouldn’t have been able to afford such an extravagant lifestyle on my own). I thought I’d do a little review in alphabetical order. I’m going to try not to really spoil any film, but you’ll know if they have sad or happy endings, just a warning.
Bollywood/Hollywood (2002): This romantic comedy defines the term ‘B movie’. My mom happens to love some of the Bollywood films, but she generally likes the more traditional ones with Indian dancing, subtitles, and Aishwarya Rai. Bollywood/Hollywood, however, didn’t have much dancing, no subtitles, and no Aishwarya. All in all, it was a let down but it does make for some fantastic mockery and it did have a good Redeeming Love type ending. See this film if you: umm…have an obsession with B movies, enjoy ethnic humor, and can’t get enough romantic comedy regardless of the quality.
Four Christmases (2008): This was your quintessential holiday comedy. It made fun of every family stereotype and had an all-star cast including appearances by country singers Dwight Yoakam and Tim McGraw and Broadway star Kristen Chenoweth. Weird. It was fun to watch. Reese Witherspoon was delightful (as always for me). Vince Vaughn, however, is getting annoying. He seemed the same in this film as the last two I’ve seen with him (The Breakup and Wedding Crashers) and I think I’m over his mediocre acting. With more awkward sexual humor than I would have liked it definitely won’t be a family holiday classic. See this film if you: don’t mind crass sexual humor, love Reese, are wanting to see a fun holiday film with more adult content than Elf or White Christmas.
Marley and Me (2008): As a contender to become a family holiday classic, Marley and Me was cute, touching, and fun. But watch out, it can be a tearjerker if you’re a sensitive soul. Owen Wilson was really great. He tends to be the same person in every movie and I can’t decide if this movie fit his static acting the best, or if he really did take it up a notch. I am interested in reading the book now. And kudos to Hollywood for making a film that stars a monogamous heterosexual couple that struggles but works to save their marriage. See this film if you: are in the mood for a heartwarming, familial, bittersweet, based-on-a-true-story story, oh…and if you like any film in which there is any glimpse of Eric Dane (Sloan from Grey’s Anatomy).
Swing Time (1936): Good dancing, good singing, cute plot but I have to say that I pretty much despised this movie because Fred Astaire performs in blackface during one of the dance numbers. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the blackface, I would be keener on praising this film and would recommend it to old film lovers. Astaire’s character kind of got on my nerves and the ending left my dad and I a little lost for words…it was anticlimactic and we just sort of stared at the screen while all the characters in the film were laughing hysterically…See this film if you: love Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, enjoy old movies with dancing and singing, the mere thought of the fact that people really did perform in blackface doesn’t offend all of your sensibilities.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): I loved it. I’ve already made my sentiments known at the end of my last post. See this film if you: like detailed stories, like old people, liked Forest Gump and Big Fish and won’t be offended by a movie that seems similar, don’t mind very, very long movies, love Brad Pitt but think he’s a mediocre actor and want to see him prove you wrong, liked F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short story on which this film is based.
The Jane Austin Book Club (2007): Really enjoyable! This film had the potential to be supremely liberal and feminist and while I still found it to be empowering to women and liberal, ethics were not totally forgotten. I know, I know feminism and liberalism DO NOT necessitate a relativist view of ethics…but a lot of times, in film, the former precedes the latter. However, the overall message of the film was mostly ethical and redeeming and pleasant to watch. I now want to read all of Austin’s novels and wouldn’t mind breeding Rhodesian Ridgebacks for a living. See this film if you: don’t mind homosexuality in films, love Jane Austen, experience delight at the mere thought of a book club, want to see redeemed endings.
The Pirates of Dark Water (1991 TV): This was a classic for my sister and I when we were growing up. It is the first and last installment of a television series that was never finished; quite unfortunate because the main character, Ren, is supposed to find the Thirteen Treasures of Rule and he’s only found three by the time the series experienced its demise. This seems funny now…but as a little girl I was never quite the same when I discovered that I would not see Ren’s quest come to completion. Traumatizing. See this if you: don’t see it…it’s a tease with no possibility of satisfactory closure.
Valkyrie (2008): Well done! I generally dislike Tom Cruise. A lot. I have NO IDEA HOW but he pulled off being the only American actor in an all-star British cast in a film where everyone was playing a German. What!? And not once was I distracted by his American accent. Actually the all-star cast was more problematic because every person had been in some other movie so I found my mind wondering trying to think of the films in which each actor had been. There were actors from all sorts of films including but not limited to: Love Actually, Pride and Prejudice, Pirates of the Caribbean, Across the Universe, Yes Man, The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Girl With a Pearl Earring, History Boys, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. Understand why I was so distracted by the all-star cast? See this if you: don’t mind horribly sad endings, like war movies, are a history buff and want to either criticize or praise the movie based on its historical prowess/clumsiness, just want to see all the famous faces.
Yes Man (2008): Boo. Major let down. I love Jim Carrey but it was just sub-par. This movie couldn’t decide if it was American Pie or Liar Liar. Some of the jokes were just completely wrong and entirely disconcerting, Jim seemed about 20 years older than all of the supporting actors including his love interest, and the plot was never very engaging or funny. From a philosophical standpoint I suppose it had a good message of hope, excitement and adventure in life…but the philosophy of Yes Man didn’t shine through the distracting filmic downfalls. The film might be worth it just for Bradley Cooper (Will Tippin in Alias) and this amazing scene (featuring Rhys Darby from Flight of the Conchords…he was incredible). See this if you: love Jim Carrey, Bradley Cooper, Rhys Darby, or just want to see a sub-par comedy with some inexcusable jokes.
Bollywood/Hollywood (2002): This romantic comedy defines the term ‘B movie’. My mom happens to love some of the Bollywood films, but she generally likes the more traditional ones with Indian dancing, subtitles, and Aishwarya Rai. Bollywood/Hollywood, however, didn’t have much dancing, no subtitles, and no Aishwarya. All in all, it was a let down but it does make for some fantastic mockery and it did have a good Redeeming Love type ending. See this film if you: umm…have an obsession with B movies, enjoy ethnic humor, and can’t get enough romantic comedy regardless of the quality. 
Four Christmases (2008): This was your quintessential holiday comedy. It made fun of every family stereotype and had an all-star cast including appearances by country singers Dwight Yoakam and Tim McGraw and Broadway star Kristen Chenoweth. Weird. It was fun to watch. Reese Witherspoon was delightful (as always for me). Vince Vaughn, however, is getting annoying. He seemed the same in this film as the last two I’ve seen with him (The Breakup and Wedding Crashers) and I think I’m over his mediocre acting. With more awkward sexual humor than I would have liked it definitely won’t be a family holiday classic. See this film if you: don’t mind crass sexual humor, love Reese, are wanting to see a fun holiday film with more adult content than Elf or White Christmas. 
Marley and Me (2008): As a contender to become a family holiday classic, Marley and Me was cute, touching, and fun. But watch out, it can be a tearjerker if you’re a sensitive soul. Owen Wilson was really great. He tends to be the same person in every movie and I can’t decide if this movie fit his static acting the best, or if he really did take it up a notch. I am interested in reading the book now. And kudos to Hollywood for making a film that stars a monogamous heterosexual couple that struggles but works to save their marriage. See this film if you: are in the mood for a heartwarming, familial, bittersweet, based-on-a-true-story story, oh…and if you like any film in which there is any glimpse of Eric Dane (Sloan from Grey’s Anatomy).
Swing Time (1936): Good dancing, good singing, cute plot but I have to say that I pretty much despised this movie because Fred Astaire performs in blackface during one of the dance numbers. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for the blackface, I would be keener on praising this film and would recommend it to old film lovers. Astaire’s character kind of got on my nerves and the ending left my dad and I a little lost for words…it was anticlimactic and we just sort of stared at the screen while all the characters in the film were laughing hysterically…See this film if you: love Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, enjoy old movies with dancing and singing, the mere thought of the fact that people really did perform in blackface doesn’t offend all of your sensibilities.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): I loved it. I’ve already made my sentiments known at the end of my last post. See this film if you: like detailed stories, like old people, liked Forest Gump and Big Fish and won’t be offended by a movie that seems similar, don’t mind very, very long movies, love Brad Pitt but think he’s a mediocre actor and want to see him prove you wrong, liked F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short story on which this film is based. 
The Jane Austin Book Club (2007): Really enjoyable! This film had the potential to be supremely liberal and feminist and while I still found it to be empowering to women and liberal, ethics were not totally forgotten. I know, I know feminism and liberalism DO NOT necessitate a relativist view of ethics…but a lot of times, in film, the former precedes the latter. However, the overall message of the film was mostly ethical and redeeming and pleasant to watch. I now want to read all of Austin’s novels and wouldn’t mind breeding Rhodesian Ridgebacks for a living. See this film if you: don’t mind homosexuality in films, love Jane Austen, experience delight at the mere thought of a book club, want to see redeemed endings. 
The Pirates of Dark Water (1991 TV): This was a classic for my sister and I when we were growing up. It is the first and last installment of a television series that was never finished; quite unfortunate because the main character, Ren, is supposed to find the Thirteen Treasures of Rule and he’s only found three by the time the series experienced its demise. This seems funny now…but as a little girl I was never quite the same when I discovered that I would not see Ren’s quest come to completion. Traumatizing. See this if you: don’t see it…it’s a tease with no possibility of satisfactory closure. 
Valkyrie (2008): Well done! I generally dislike Tom Cruise. A lot. I have NO IDEA HOW but he pulled off being the only American actor in an all-star British cast in a film where everyone was playing a German. What!? And not once was I distracted by his American accent. Actually the all-star cast was more problematic because every person had been in some other movie so I found my mind wondering trying to think of the films in which each actor had been. There were actors from all sorts of films including but not limited to: Love Actually, Pride and Prejudice, Pirates of the Caribbean, Across the Universe, Yes Man, The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, Girl With a Pearl Earring, History Boys, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. Understand why I was so distracted by the all-star cast? See this if you: don’t mind horribly sad endings, like war movies, are a history buff and want to either criticize or praise the movie based on its historical prowess/clumsiness, just want to see all the famous faces. 
Yes Man (2008): Boo. Major let down. I love Jim Carrey but it was just sub-par. This movie couldn’t decide if it was American Pie or Liar Liar. Some of the jokes were just completely wrong and entirely disconcerting, Jim seemed about 20 years older than all of the supporting actors including his love interest, and the plot was never very engaging or funny. From a philosophical standpoint I suppose it had a good message of hope, excitement and adventure in life…but the philosophy of Yes Man didn’t shine through the distracting filmic downfalls. The film might be worth it just for Bradley Cooper (Will Tippin in Alias) and this amazing scene (featuring Rhys Darby from Flight of the Conchords…he was incredible). See this if you: love Jim Carrey, Bradley Cooper, Rhys Darby, or just want to see a sub-par comedy with some inexcusable jokes.
4 comments:
When I read your blog, I can hear your voice in my head. (That was meant to be an amusing thing, but it seemed creepy after I wrote it. Haha. :) )
I love how you wrote "Boo." as the first sentence of your review on "Yes Man." You crack me up!
True or False: The people who sat behind us at the theater during "Marley and Me" fit the category of "sensitive souls."
when my family was debating movies to go see over christmas, my dad suggested "yes man" and i was like, you mean jim carrey playing jim carrey in "bruce almighty 2"? pass.
anyway, excellent reviews. i still don't want to see valkyrie though. tom cruise ... ugh.
i like reading your reviews, because like megan says, i can hear your voice in my head as i read them (in a non-creepy way). also, i critique films vicariously through you, because usually i would never say many of those things, sensitive soul and all that. ;)
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